"Not Me" is a great person to blame, right?

Unless you're an only child (like Allyson). Then you're just a weirdo.

Today we decided to skip Sunday School in favor of breakfast (we all woke up late and everyone but me totally forgot that Allyson was singing in church this morning; thus, Ben and I did not get food). On the way to Denny's we were stopped at a stoplight and Ben reached over and started banging on the back of my seat. I was all set to yell at Allyson for kicking the back of my chair before I realized it was Ben. I told them that, we all had a good laugh, etc.

Pulling into the Denny's parking lot, Allyson really did start kicking the back of my seat.

Me: Allyson Joy! What is that?
Allyson: Not me.
Me: That's not you kicking the back of my chair?
Allyson: Nope.
Me: You're the only one back there.
Allyson: I don't know what happened. I was just sitting here and then I heard pat, pat, pat.

And at that point, Ben and I died of laughter.

As an aside, the Grand Slamwich is totally ridiculous and completely tasty.

Sometimes, Allyson will say something that leaves everyone involved - herself included - totally confused. Case in point:

I had a load of laundry downstairs. Mom wanted me to come get it. She sent Allyson in to tell me about it.

"Grandma Sue says you need to go downstairs to help her. And get your paste down!"
"Okay. I can... wait, my what?"
*exasperated* "Your paste!"
"Uh... okay. Why do I need that?"
*shrug* "I dunno."

I got downstairs and my mother had no idea what paste Allyson could have possibly been talking about.

The mark of a great storyteller is to leave them wanting more.

Mission accomplished with this one...

Allyson: Mommy! When I got to school today Garin and Jackson were like, "Hey, Allyson." So then I was like, "Hey, guys."
(long pause)
Me: Okay. Then what?
Allyson: Oh, that was it.

Okay then.

Since I'm generous, here's a guest appearance from my mom. First, some background: My youngest brother Kevin is in the Army; he's home visiting this weekend. He has his girlfriend with him so they got a hotel. Anyway, here's a bit of a texting conversation Mom and I had:

Mom: Hey is kevin over there?
Me: No
Mom: Guess hes in town leavin the walmart
Me: Ah. What hotel is he staying at?
Mom: nope

Alrighty then! Lack of punctuation plus lack of actually having READ THE QUESTION I ASKED plus "the walmart" equals quality content.

Allyson, the Personal Assistant.

Allyson's school had its annual Spring Carnival last night. We all had a great time until the raffle, where none of us won anything and Allyson got really upset. Oh well.

We had this conversation the other day:

Allyson: So, I'm supposed to bring treats for my birthday on May 28th. Since my birthday is in, you know, July.
Me: I know when your birthday is. That's the day before your big field trip, isn't it? (Her class is going to tour the police station, then to the library, then a picnic in the park.)
Allyson: Yep. Your first field trip of Kindergarten! (I didn't go on the first one to the apple orchard, per Allyson's request - "I need to have my own adventures" - but I wasn't missing this one.)
Me: Okay. So, does Miss Sheehan know you're bringing treats in that day?
Allyson: Oh, don't worry. She'll email you with the details.

Just... what? (And so far, no email.)

And, Garin strikes again:

I was in the living room and Ben and Allyson were chatting in the kitchen. I suddenly hear:

Allyson: But Garin SAID it!
Ben: No, Allyson, I don't think that's true.
Me: What?
Ben: Allyson says Garin told her that if you cry too much, you get a headache and then you throw up.
Me: Uh, Allyson? Remember this is the kid that tried to tell you his dad was John Cena.
Allyson: Oh. Right. John Cena's not his dad. I guess he lied again!
Ben: This Garin kid doesn't sound like a reliable source of information.
Allyson: Nope. I won't ask him things anymore.

She has also (somewhat adorable, mostly annoyingly) been on a SAVE THE PLANET kick ever since they talked about Earth Day in school. I have to recycle the cans and reuse the glass jars for things and who cares if it's 38 degrees in May WE HAVE TO WALK TO SCHOOL BECAUSE IF WE DRIVE IT WILL DIRTY THE AIR!

On a side note, what is up with this weather?!

In honor of Presidents Day

Some Presidential facts, as presented by Allyson:

Allyson: Did you know George Washington did not live in the White House?
Me: Really? That's neat.
Allyson: Yeah. They finished it after he was President. But a few days ago, they finished it!
Me: A few days ago?!
Allyson: I was just kidding. But they DID finish it after the dinosaurs were killed.

(time lapse)
Me: So, was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin he built with his own two hands?
Allyson (laughing): NO! His parents built it! But he did like wearing tall hats.
Me: He did? Why?
Allyson: His other hat was small, and he liked the tall hat better. One time he was walking under a rope and he got stuck.
Me: The tall hat?
Allyson: Yup.
Me: Well, why didn't he just take the hat off?
Allyson: Uh... he really liked that hat. And he didn't want to lose it. Also George Washington had to wear a wig.
Me: Had to?
Allyson: Yeah, they didn't have hair back then.

So there you have it.

Hi! Way to disappear for ALMOST TWO YEARS

But things have been happening: We switched churches, we moved across town, Allyson started Kindergarten, and my grandmother had a stroke. She survived it and is doing... okay, I guess. She refuses to partake in any rehab, though.

Anyway, my apologies to all four of you who read this. Heh.

I have lots of Ally quotes to share with you, so let's dig in:

#1: Scenes from a Sunday School Christmas Party

Ben and I have been attending an adult Sunday school class at our new church. We have been really enjoying it so far. Most everyone is around the same age and have kids close to Allyson's age. In fact, two of the aforementioned kids (Griffin and Jaxon) were in Allyson's preschool class! Which made the transition really easy for her. But I digress.

Anyway, our class had a Christmas party for everyone and their families. And, well, this happened:

Allyson: MOMMY! Jaxon kissed me! Right here on the face. (points to her cheek)

Me: What?! Why would he do that?

Allyson: Because he's in love with me. I thought it was gross, though. So I put my face in the water fountain and washed it off.

#2: On Wishes and Kidnapping

Before I dive in, I have to briefly mention another thing that happened since I disappeared: My brother and his girlfriend welcomed a baby girl, Caileigh, in November 2012. I babysit her a couple times a week, to help them out (they're both correctional officers at a local prison, but Marcy works first shift and Dan works second so there's about a two-hour window where there's nobody to watch the kiddo.) Anywho...

Allyson: Oh, there's a star. We should wish on it. (We do.) I wished for a My Little Pony Equestria Girl. What did you wish for, Mommy?

Me: Well, I kind of wish we could have another baby.

Allyson: We could just take Caileigh.

Me: Uh, no. No, no, no. We cannot just take Caileigh.

Allyson: And why not?

Me: Well... for one thing, it's kind of rude.

Allyson: Yeah. And we might get kidnapped by the police.

Me (after a fit of laughter): That would be the best-case scenario, there.

#3: John Cena is Nobody's Father

Allyson: Hey, Mommy! Guess who Garin's dad is? John Cena!

(Garin is a boy in her class.)

Me: Uh, I kind of doubt that, Allyson.

Allyson: What? It's true, Garin said so!

Me: Just because Garin said it doesn't mean it's true. Do you even know who John Cena is?

Allyson: No. I mean, yes.

Me: Oh, yeah? Who is he?

Allyson: ...someone's dad?

Me: *facepalm*

I promise not to drop off the face of the Earth this time!

the Post-Easter Blues.

I took our Easter window clings down on Tuesday, because I forgot to do it on Monday. This development made Allyson quite peeved. By way of explanation, I told her that they had to come down since Easter was over. This made her even more peeved. Then I *thought* she forgot about it.

Yesterday she was playing in her room so I decided to check some e-mail. Suddenly she comes out, crawls in my lap, and looks up at me with those big blue eyes.

"Mommy?"
"Yes, Ally?"
"Are you very sorry you ruined my life?"
"When did I ruin...oh, is this because Easter's over?"
"Yes."
"Oh, okay. In that case, no. Not even a little."

Who knew window clings were such a big deal?